I am noticing as I write this, an inner conflict between a part of me that is afraid of being seen, one that is afraid of staying stuck in a pattern of isolation by remaining “invisible”, a part of me that is cynical and judgmental towards the fears, and another part that is annoyed at this whole pattern.

I often start writing something, and then delete it or try to change it until I become a burning ball of restlessness, anxiety and confusion. As I write this, I also notice a fear of attracting more of what I write about. My God. What are you doing to us? Or maybe I should ask; “What am I doing to myself?”. I don’t know anymore. Spirituality has become the obstacle. My desire is for simplicity and peace.

“Will I post this?” I hear my mind’s favorite refrain. “What are people going to think of me? They won’t want to book me as a coach if I show how messy I am.” “Noooo!!…. How much more do I have to heal until I’ll be ready?”

Welcome to a hell realm I am quite familiar with. Yet I know that, when I see clearly, all these thought, ideas and patterns have nothing to do with who I truly am. I still tend to hide it though, and a part of me sometimes is afraid to be “found out” as a fraud.

My Teacher once said to me, after I shared this fear, “I’m a fraud, you’re a fraud, everybody is a fraud”

What he meant is: all of us are never fully and completely 100% honest. And most people in the world today are deeply divided, and are lying to themselves about themselves. We hide things from ourselves and we project those things onto the world as though it did not also belong to us. We project evil or wrongness “out there” pretending that it isn’t also within us. And all of it is Human. We don’t have to feel guilty about it. We don’t have to wait until we’re fully enlightened before we start to share. Actually, God wants us to start sharing when we are imperfect. Because God wants us to love ourselves, if we wait before starting to share, we are basically saying, “I am not good enough yet”. It doesn’t matter if people are judging you or being unhappy with what you share. If it feels flowing and relieving to you, that’s all that matters. It means that you are in alignment with the Divine Will. And being in alignment with the Divine also means being open and receptive to feedback so we can improve our human channel, so as to be more effective agents of Love in this world. When negative feedback is viewed as helpful information rather than a proof of our inadequacy, that’s when we become empowered and unstoppable.

That’s all I have to share for now.

Can you relate? Did you find this post helpful?

I’d love to hear!

Much love,

Yohan